Togetherness and the Space to Be Oneself
Reflecting on closeness, individuality and the expectations we bring to relationships.
DIMENSION OF RELATIONSHIP
How much sameness do I expect from someone simply because we are close?
Must we enjoy the same things, reach the same conclusions, or want to spend our time in the same way?
Closeness can make these expectations feel natural. Yet every relationship brings together people with their own temperament, memories, interests and ways of making sense of life.
I would like to understand how togetherness can make room for that individuality.
Space has meaning when it is accompanied by care. So does companionship when it allows each person to speak honestly, pursue an interest, or enjoy some solitude without having to defend it.
This calls for conversation. What one person experiences as freedom, another may experience as distance. What one intends as concern, another may experience as interference.
There is no certainty that affection alone will resolve these differences. Expectations need to be expressed, heard and sometimes reconsidered.
I would like to pay attention to the expectations I carry into my relationships. Which have we discussed? Which have I quietly assumed the other person should fulfil?
Perhaps a useful beginning is to ask: am I allowing this person the same freedom to be themselves that I would like for myself?
That question deserves to accompany my idea of togetherness.
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